Christmas brings out the crazy in me. If there is any time
of the year when my depression will raise its ugly head or the panic attacks
come it will be at Christmas.
I start to worry that I don’t have enough presents for
everyone. I make big plans and then realise that there isn’t really enough time
to do it all and that drives me completely insane. I lay awake at night
worrying about it all.
I make lists and more lists and make more work for myself;
by the time Christmas comes I am completely drained. It doesn’t help that for
the past 13 years I have worked in industries where Christmas starts early,
though it’s only in the past few years that it starts as early as July!
The worse bit is that even though I know all this I can’t
stop myself, it’s a compulsion. That’s the thing about mental health problems you
can’t always stop it even when you see it coming. I do a really good job at
hiding it from everyone but if you look closely you will see the cracks.
I don’t want BG to grow up with a crazy Christmas mum but I
just don’t know how to stop myself or if I can be stopped. I have tried really
hard this year not to go overboard and place high expectations on myself but
that crazy is getting ready to come out, the closer Christmas gets the harder
it is to keep inside.
BG was about 14 weeks old when I started my first blog New Mummy she was my inspiration. I want to write about our journey together.
BG is 3 years old now and even though I don't write New Mummy any more without it I would have never have been brave enough to go freelance and have some many amazing experiences.
If someone said 2 1/2 years ago I would be blogging for a living, travelling around the country to meet amazing people and still being at home to see my daughter grow up I would have never believed you. I have spoken at conferences and won awards and its all thanks to my beautiful, funny, smart Baby Girl!
What does the future hold for me? I have a lot of plans for the New Year including an e book on How To Make Money from Blogging.
So watch this space.
I have been forced inspired to write this post so I can get a Blogger Calender. Want to know more? Visit Sticky Fingers or Mocha Beanie Mummy for all the details.
Three days in and I am going strong! Today I bring you a track from my teenage years. I saw this band in 1997 in a little venue in Westcliff and they were supporting Skunk Anansie it was an amazing gig.
It was actually my first gig with my friends, we walked into Southend and found a dodgy pub that would serve us. We lost one our friends for the entire length of the gig as she got swept away in the crowd, it was an awesome night.