Monday, 5 September 2011

Just Because You Can’t See It


Recently I was featured in the local paper about making the finals of the MAD Blog awards. I am shortlisted for the Post of Year Award for my post Hi My Name Is Carol and I Have Depression.

The paper didn’t quite write what I thought they would. I thought they would write more about the awards but instead they wrote about how blogging has helped me with my depression, which is true.

I had a great reaction from people that read it saying how brave I was and how some of them also suffered with depression. The one thing they all kept saying is “you can’t tell from looking at you” “but you’re always so smiley”. They are shocked that they couldn’t ‘see’ my depression.

You can’t always see a mental illness. It’s hidden away under layers of smiles and denial hoping that it will just go away. Over the years I have become a great actress, good at making people believe that I am fine and nothing is wrong. Only letting the mask slip when I am on my own and can cry, hide, sleep.....

Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there, eating away at me, suppressing me and holding me down. I don’t have a badge with a big D on it to tell people I have depression. I’m not ashamed of it but it’s not something I tell people straight away.  

If you meet me you wouldn’t be able to tell I am depressed, you wouldn’t know that it took all my strength to get out of bed that day, get dressed and leave the house.

Along with my mascara and lipstick I plaster on a smile and a cheery hello and you would never ever suspect that today I don’t to be, that I am scared the darkness will take over and I will not be able to escape.

Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there.

9 comments:

  1. You do a very convincing job of covering it up! Like you say, it's not something anyone would think of you because you always seem happy.
    I hate to think of you pretending it's all ok when you feel so bad on the inside. I'm always here if you want to talk. And I'm so close by it'll only take you 5 minutes to get round for a cuppa :0) xx

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  2. Excellent post. Thanks very much for doing this.

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  3. I am with you all the way on this. Living with Mental illness is hard.

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  4. Many people will be grateful for your words and hopefully saying it all out loud will make it easier to find the right way to make it through the dark days x

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  5. Fantastic post. It is hard living with depression, it is hard to put that smile on and get through the day. x

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  6. I had postnatal anxiety and people around me just didn't notice! Great post! Hope posts like yours and other mums helps others!x

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  7. Great post and so important to talk about openly, I admire you. It's true you have such a lovely smile.

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  8. I know exactly where you're coming from, everyone says the same of me but if they could see inside my head it would be a totally different story.
    I think it also adds to people not believing that you're ill, but that's another post, I'm sure!

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