Tuesday, 17 May 2011

Carol's Confessions - I'm a Guilty Shopper

I realised something today as I was pushing a sleeping BG around the shops, I am a guilty shopper. I don't mean a spend loads and feel guilty afterwards. I shop when I feel guilty. 

I didn't feel great Sunday and Monday, they were Blah days for me (non technical depression talk). So we stayed at home which meant she didn't get to  run around and which impacted on her sleep, as in she didn't want to go to sleep.

I took her to her dance class this morning and on the walk on she feel asleep so I decided to take a walk into town and have a look around the market. I found myself buying BG "treats" including some fancy artisan bear shaped banana biscuits. It was at this point I realised that I was guilt buying. I felt bad that I had not taken her out and tried to make myself feel better by buying things for her. Its not the first time I have done it either, I can't believe I have only just noticed I do it. Its not just for BG either, if I have been away I have to buy OH something.

The worst bit is I don't buy these things to make them feel better, I do it to make ME feel better. Does this make me a bad person?

I worry so much about being a bad mum and my depression effecting their lives that when I have a dark period I feel I have to make it up to them in some way. I know I shouldn't feel this way but its hard, especially when you don't realise you have those feelings.

The problem is I don't know how to stop!

Image: digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net


  1. I worry always about my depression impacting on my little girl, so much so I get depressed about it...

    I think it's normal, where there's you and me so that's two of us.

  2. Oh Carol don't stress too much about this! We have all spoilt our children with guilt gifts. Be it after a bout of depression, a break away, long hours at work, an angry outburst or worse, bribery! There isn't a single parent out there who isn't guilty of this , we just all have different reasons. I am fairly sure that children choose to remember the good things and not just all the bad things. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just keep on smiling :o)

  3. I guilt buy for my daughter when I have to work (I wrote about it here http://makedomum1.blogspot.com/2010/10/manifestation-of-guilt.html). Like Sally says I'm sure we all do it for one reason or another. Try not to feel bad, the odd treat here and there isn't going to do anyone any harm x

  4. No, not a bad person it is just you trying to make everyone feel better and we are all guilty of this. You just happen to be aware of it now and so you can stop it happening a little.

  5. I agree with Sally - you are a gr8 mum not a perfect one - and who wants perfection for a mother!!! So give yourself a break - I enjoy getting things for my two - especially when I've been grouchy! It doesn't mean I excuse my grouchiness - but i do like to do nice things for them!! take care xo

  6. hi there, I think, in reality most mums guilt buy for one reason or another...I do when I have to work away or when on reflection I think I have been particularly harsh on my frustrating 7 year old! Don't worry about it - just being human!

  7. I am a guilty shopper too! If I am not eating to fix things then I am shopping to try and do the same. Awareness is a big step towards conqering.

    I think the fact that you worry how you will impact BG means that any effect will be minimal as you will do all in your power to protect her. No way are you a bad mum.

    Mich x

  8. I'm guilty of doing it after long meetings that the AC has had to wait for me through. I'm starting to realise that it's not a treat for him being good - because he gets it even if he hasn't been - it's to assuage my feelings.

  9. I just got round to reading the imperfect parenting carnival. My take is that the depression is a fact and why shouldn't your daughter get a few extra gifts. Even without guilt it's nice to give them gifts if you can. You don't sound like a mum who will overindulge and spoil her so go ahead and have fun!