Friday, 1 April 2011

Mother’s Day is Not Always Special

Mother’s day for the past 11 years has always been a harsh reminder that my Mother preferred her husband over her kids. Most of the year I bury my feelings and forget all about but on Mother’s day it’s really hard to forget the past. It’s even harder now that have BG as I really want to celebrate it with her, before she came along I would just try to forget what day it was.


I know I should focus on the positive and remember that I am mum now and that’s an amazing gift but it’s tough. I get sad and down that my Mother didn’t love me enough to stay with us, that her relationship was more important than her children.


My fears start bubbling to the surface and it’s hard to push them down and accept that I am not like her. But what if I am? We both suffer with depression, what if my depression makes me want to leave? What if I can’t stop it? Deep down I know we are different but there is that small chance that I may be like her.


While everyone is writing their ‘why my mum is great’ posts I am sat here feeling the way I did 11 years ago abandoned, unloved and alone.


It’s important to remember that as parents what we do can affect our children’s future and what person they become.


On Sunday I will be celebrating being the best mum I can be to BG, I will try my best not to think about the past and focus on the future.


Happy Mother’s Day to all my fellow mums.

13 comments:

  1. I am with you. My mother has always prioritised herself over her kids. Yes she stayed with us but she stayed in a relationship with a man who was abusive to me as well as her because he looked after her. I am very bitter on mothers day. I have tried unsuccessful to sever contact with my mother but it causes me pain every time I talk to her and Mothers day reminds me of it more.
    Like you, I am trying to focus on the fact that I am a mum this mothers day and will strive to be the best mum I can be. Last year unfortunately the hubby forgot it and did nothing which didn't help! Good luck on Sunday. I hope you have a lovely day with your new family!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I can't think of what to say other than you are both obviously amazing mums and that's even more of a credit to you as women and mothers. I hope you both(Carol and Dawn) have the most amazing day on sunday with your little girls. Xx

    ReplyDelete
  3. I get this. On Sunday I'll be celebrating the fact that I'm a wonderful mum to IJ. That's all, but that's enough. Hugs xx

    ReplyDelete
  4. You are not responsible for your mothers happiness, but you are for yours. You are a great mother and you can control your future and make sure BG never goes through what you did. You need to focus on you and the things that you can change and affect. You are a super mum. Happy Mothersday from me, I will be sad this mothers day, my mum wasnt the best of mothers, but she was a fab grandma

    ReplyDelete
  5. She may not have left but her husband was more important. You won't see me singing her praises, I just don't feel strong affection for her. Like Jen said, I put my energy into what I can effect: my relationship with my own children and the quality of chocolate available on mother's day...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Carol, I hope you do really enjoy this Sunday and that it turns out to be a great celebration of your relationship with BG.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Big hugs my love have fiath in you youare a top woman and a comitted mum all will be well xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  8. My daughter asked me today does Mothers Day make you sad as my Mum died when I was 19, like you I focus on being a great Mum and being the best mum you can be.

    My Mum was a great Mum so I still remember her as that.

    When Mums aren't great there quite often is a reason why, my Dad isn't that great though it can hurt me I do reason with myself it's not me but him.

    I am quite sure your a Fab mum, so enjoy tomorrow for you XXXX

    ReplyDelete
  9. I hope that you can understand that today is now about you and yes there are things that we wish had happened but all that matters now is that you are as fantastic as you are!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Darling girl - you are not ur mother - you have made a choice to put your child first and always have - that is not something she was ever able to do. However hard mothers day is for you I know that fathers day fills you with joy as you are blessed with having a wonderful father. Whatever happens to us in life we always have a choice as to how we deal with it - some cut and run - others - like you and me face things head on no matter how tough it is. I know you are a wonderful mother and BG is lucky to have you! Remeber mothers day is just once a year - but ur a gr8 mum everyday. Take care xo

    ReplyDelete
  11. Yes, I'm with you too. My Mum was not nasty but she just did not know to be maternal. She is still crap now, but in an insensitve rather than willfully offense way (mostly). Funnily enough I now pity her. She has been feeling more and more alientated seeing my relationship with the Pickle and seeing how by giving as a mother it is so rewarding. She could have had that closeness with me, but she never knew how and sadly she can not rebuild years of neglect now.
    I hope you got through the day okay!

    ReplyDelete
  12. It is tough not to think ahout the past. My mum wasn't a good mum at all but she is a good grandmother. But we are good mums and we are the best we can be, that is what we need to hold on to. xx

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thank you so much for the support. Mother's day was great in the end and you all helped!

    ReplyDelete