Mother’s day for the past 11 years has always been a harsh reminder that my Mother preferred her husband over her kids. Most of the year I bury my feelings and forget all about but on Mother’s day it’s really hard to forget the past. It’s even harder now that have BG as I really want to celebrate it with her, before she came along I would just try to forget what day it was.
I know I should focus on the positive and remember that I am mum now and that’s an amazing gift but it’s tough. I get sad and down that my Mother didn’t love me enough to stay with us, that her relationship was more important than her children.
My fears start bubbling to the surface and it’s hard to push them down and accept that I am not like her. But what if I am? We both suffer with depression, what if my depression makes me want to leave? What if I can’t stop it? Deep down I know we are different but there is that small chance that I may be like her.
While everyone is writing their ‘why my mum is great’ posts I am sat here feeling the way I did 11 years ago abandoned, unloved and alone.
It’s important to remember that as parents what we do can affect our children’s future and what person they become.
On Sunday I will be celebrating being the best mum I can be to BG, I will try my best not to think about the past and focus on the future.
Happy Mother’s Day to all my fellow mums.