Friday, 29 April 2011

Friday Song - Jack

Everyone has gone Royal Wedding crazy this week and I have found myself watching it. 

However I have a better thing to celebrate, my nephew Jack was born two weeks ago today.

We met him last Saturday and he is gorgeous! So I have a gorgeous nephew to go with my gorgeous niece. I am a very proud sister and aunty.

I looked for song with Jack in the tittle but they didn't seem right so I choose one by Jack Johnson. 

This is Angel...

Tuesday, 26 April 2011

Tuneful Tuesday - I have a feeling that I can be someone

Tuneful Tuesday is about those songs that are so beautiful and emotional that they can stop you in your tracks.  Songs that bring back memories or make you stop and think. 

On our journey home from my sisters on Sunday we were listening to the charts. I was shocked but overjoyed when I heard this song had re entered the charts at number 4.  As soon as it started playing both me and OH reached over to turn it up.  This song was first realised in 1988 and even though I was only 8 at the time this song makes me stop, listen and sing along.

My favourite line from this song is "I have a feeling that I can be someone". Its a song of hopes and dreams.

I give you "Fast Car" by Tracey Chapman

Wednesday, 20 April 2011

Rocking Wednesday – My First Music Festival

In 1998 when I was 18 I and my friends from college went to a music festival in Belgium. It was cheaper than the festivals in the UK and the weather was better.  I had been to all day gigs before but this was my first ever festival and it was one of the best weekends I have ever had.

We thought we were so cool, me and my best friend K is our tie died dress and big army boots! I wish I had the pictures to show but mine are in storage. I am sure you can imagine that the weekend involved quite a bit of alcohol and lots of music.

I saw some amazing acts like Byork, Tori Amos, Dave Matthew band, Therapy, Beasty Boys and Nick Cave. I remember dancing around like a fool to Underworlds Born Slippy why they closed the festival.  My only disappointment was that the Verve were supposed to play and they cancelled, later they broke up.

One of the funniest things that happened was to the Radio 1 reporter that was on our coach and we meet up with at the festival. He was a really nice guy and on the last night he walked me and K back to the camp site as we had lost the rest of the group. He joined us all for a drink and fell asleep in one of the guy’s tent. He woke up late the next morning and didn’t get back to his hotel in time to make the coach and ferry home.  He had to take the hoover craft back. We listen to his piece the week after as he was clearly interviewing people on the way home as you could hear the hoover craft in the back ground, he has forgotten to interview us. He also left he address book behind!!

The track I have chosen is by a band that was really popular at the time; I was a huge fan and really wanted to see them. We were just leaving the camp site to go and see them and this song started to play and we realised they had come on early. We ran as quickly as we could and just made the end of it. Thankfully it was the start of their set!

I give you ‘I’m Only Happy When It Rains’ by Garbage 

Tuesday, 19 April 2011

Tuneful Tuesday - Ain't No Sunshine

Tuneful Tuesday is about those songs that are so beautiful and emotional that they can stop you in your tracks.  Songs that bring back memories or make you stop and think. 

I don't know why I love this song so much but whenever I listen to it I just have to be still and absorb it.  His voice is hypnotic!

I give you Ain't No Sunshine by Bill Withers 

Wednesday, 13 April 2011

Rocking Wednesday - My Best Gig

I have been going to live gigs since I was about 12 years old. I have been lucky to have seen over 100 acts live and have travel across the world to see some of them.

However my favourite gigs are the small gigs, the ones held in places that you wipe your feet on the way out of. One of the best places for this was the Astoria in London which unfortunately closed now, I have seen some awesome bands play there.

In 2006 after a 6 year gap Pearl Jam returned to the UK for a series of live gigs including one night at the Astoria. Tickets sold out within hours as it was an opportunity to see an amazing band play in such a small venue. Tickets were so sort after that they were selling on ebay for £100's and even fake tickets were sold! 

Guess who got a ticket? 

That's right me!!

I had seen them before but nothing could prepare me from the energy that came from them and the crowd. I was about 3 rows from the front and was in total awe the whole time. It was one of those gigs where you feel the music as well as hear it. It has to be the best gig I have ever been to. 

I had so many tracks to choose from Pearl Jam for today's Rocking Wednesday but I thought I would be predictable and play probably one of their most popular tracks Alive. 

This is a live, unplugged version. 

Monday, 11 April 2011

Hi My Name is Carol and I Have Depression.

Today see’s the start of Depression Awareness Week .  

Held every year in April, Depression Awareness Week™ is a fantastic opportunity to raise awareness, vital funds for Depression Alliance and try to end the stigma associated with depression.

I have written about my depression on a few blogs as a guest poster and on my own. However I have found since I have started Dance without Sleeping that I have been writing about it more regularly, it wasn’t the plan but it is really helping me through my current bout of depression. Admitting that something is wrong is the first step to getting better.

I have had bouts of depression since my teens but I was only brave enough to go to the doctors a few years ago when I was going through a really tough time. It was really difficult at first to tell people “I have depression”. You worry they will look at your different or think you are dangerous. But I found that everyone was really supportive and many of my friends and family had experienced depression in some form. I didn’t feel alone anymore or like I was the only one.

Depression is different for everyone, for me I become withdrawn and listless. I lose all motivation to do anything and want to hide away in doors. I feel very low and sad. That’s not an easy thing to cope with especially when you are home with a toddler all day. Sometimes I feel like I am a bad mum as I don’t want to do anything, those are the days that the TV stays on a little too long. I don’t neglect BG, but I just go through the motions, like I am on auto pilot.

I also worry that BG will develop depression as it can be hereditary. She already so aware of different emotions and can tell if someone is sad or happy.

Medication is working for me at the moment. I took a break for a short time and realised that I do need them for now. I hope I am not on them forever but if that’s the way it has to be then so be it.

If you think you are suffering with depression, please don’t keep it to yourself. Get help or speak to someone about it.

These sites may help you.

Friday, 8 April 2011

Friday Song - Everyday is a Winding Road

This week has been one of the best in a long while. I am starting to feel a bit brighter, the sun has been out and I am catching up with my work.

Sunday was better that I thought it would be and we had a lovely time an the in laws.

I've been racking my brains for a song that sums up this week for me and then while listening to Spotify where I have about 20 hours of music this came on.... 

Friday, 1 April 2011

Mother’s Day is Not Always Special

Mother’s day for the past 11 years has always been a harsh reminder that my Mother preferred her husband over her kids. Most of the year I bury my feelings and forget all about but on Mother’s day it’s really hard to forget the past. It’s even harder now that have BG as I really want to celebrate it with her, before she came along I would just try to forget what day it was.

I know I should focus on the positive and remember that I am mum now and that’s an amazing gift but it’s tough. I get sad and down that my Mother didn’t love me enough to stay with us, that her relationship was more important than her children.

My fears start bubbling to the surface and it’s hard to push them down and accept that I am not like her. But what if I am? We both suffer with depression, what if my depression makes me want to leave? What if I can’t stop it? Deep down I know we are different but there is that small chance that I may be like her.

While everyone is writing their ‘why my mum is great’ posts I am sat here feeling the way I did 11 years ago abandoned, unloved and alone.

It’s important to remember that as parents what we do can affect our children’s future and what person they become.

On Sunday I will be celebrating being the best mum I can be to BG, I will try my best not to think about the past and focus on the future.

Happy Mother’s Day to all my fellow mums.